I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
