Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
