So drunk its hurt
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
