I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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