im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
