Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
