Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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