sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
