I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
