She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
