Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
