That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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