so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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