The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
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Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
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I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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