Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
