Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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