it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
