70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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