WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
