Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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