My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
