Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
