dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
