kristin has been a bad kristin
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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