bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
