i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
