my phone cant type all the emotion im having
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
