My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
