he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
