I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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