he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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