You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
