just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
