finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Four minutes until I can fart!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
