He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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