Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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