pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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