If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
