remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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