maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
