I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
we should paint friendship bongs
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
