I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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