can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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