dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
