i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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