I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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