If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
