I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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