their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
