I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
