The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
