Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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