I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Nobody cheats on THIS.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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