My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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