they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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