So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
