omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
