Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
