She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
