and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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