1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize