I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
