he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
