and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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