he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
