Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
