Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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